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Logica masculina...
December 20, 2014
9:27 am
shrinkescu
Guest
226sp_Permalink sp_Print

Doctorul adresandu-se unui barbat:
- Cate partenere sexuale ai avut in ultimul an?
- Cu tot cu sotia mea? Nici una...

December 7, 2014
8:11 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
225sp_Permalink sp_Print

Wife texts husband at work on a cold winter's morning;

"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back;

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later;

"Computer really knackered now."

December 5, 2014
5:10 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
224sp_Permalink sp_Print

THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS

1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10: Don't play with your meat!
11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
15: How long will it take after you put it in?
16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more

November 29, 2014
6:34 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
223sp_Permalink sp_Print

Mare atenţie când cumpăraţi ceva prin eBay! Vecinul meu mi-a spus că a plătit 60 euro prin eBay pentru "Mărire de penis". Nemernicii i-au trimis o lupă!

November 29, 2014
9:33 am
shrinkescu
Guest
222sp_Permalink sp_Print

Trei sfaturi pentru slăbit:
1 - Întoarce capul la dreapta.
2 - Întoarce capul la stânga.
3 - Repetă acest exerciţiu ori de câte ori îţi oferă cineva de mâncare...

November 26, 2014
3:11 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
221sp_Permalink sp_Print

- Marie, eu cred ca ma duc... si vreau sa-ti spun ultimele mele dorinte
- Ioane, spune si asa am sa fac.
- Marie, sa ai grija de copii
- Da, Ioane.
- Sa fii femeie cinstita si gospodina cum te stiu.
- Da, Ioane.
- Dupa ce mor eu, sa te mariti cu Gheorghe.
- Cum cu Gheorghe, ca e cel mai mare dusman al tau.
- Pai... tocmai de aceea.

November 26, 2014
3:10 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
220sp_Permalink sp_Print

- Cum te numesti? Intreaba medicul.
- Popopopa Mamamamarin.
- Esti balbait?
- Nu, tata era balbait, iar ala care mi-a scris certificatul era un cretin.

November 25, 2014
10:27 am
shrinkescu
Guest
219sp_Permalink sp_Print

Pesimistul: Femeile din barul ăsta sunt nişte stricate.
Optimistul: Aşa sper şi eu.

Constatare medicala: cu cat mai urata e femeia, cu atat mai rar o doare capul!

- Ce mai e nou, Vasile? - Sunt suparat. Am aflat ca nevasta-mea ma insala.
- Ba, eu te-am intrebat ce mai e nou!

November 14, 2014
3:47 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
218sp_Permalink sp_Print

Un francez este intrebat:
- Ce va place mai mult, vinul sau femeile?
Francezul raspunde:
- Depinde de data fabricatiei!

November 9, 2014
2:45 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
217sp_Permalink sp_Print

Intr-o zi, Fat Frumos a intrebat-o pe Ileana Cosanzeana: – Vrei sa fii sotia mea? Ileana Cosanzeana s-a gandit bine si a zis: – Nu. De atunci, Fat Frumos a trait fericit, imbatandu-se ca porcu’ de cate ori avea chef, lasandu-si hainele imprastiate prin tot palatul si facand sex cu toate femeile pe care le intalnea in cale.

November 5, 2014
5:50 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
216sp_Permalink sp_Print

Mihaita merge cu tatal sau la magazin cand vede niste prostituate si il intreaba ce sunt alea. Tatal:
- Fiule, astea sunt femeile care ne aduc fericire!
Baiatul nu zice nimic si merge acasa, iar pe furis ia niste bani din pusculita si pleaca la doamnele cu fericirea, si le spune sa-i dea si lui niste fericire. Femeile uimite si incurcate iau banii si-i ung baiatului 3 felii de paine cu nutela.
Mai tarziu baiatul vine acasa. Parintii il intreaba:
- Unde ai fost?
- Am fost sa iau fericire de la doamnele acelea de langa magazin!
Tatal, alb la fata ca varul, il intreaba cum a fost.
Copilul spune:
- Pe primele 2 le-am terminat… iar pe a 3-a am mai lins-o un pic si gata!

October 29, 2014
4:47 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
215sp_Permalink sp_Print

- Spune, Ioane, gasituti-ai vreodata barbati straini in sifonier?
- Nu! Toti erau romani....

October 19, 2014
12:43 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
214sp_Permalink sp_Print

Barbatul are nevoie de 3 lucruri ca sa fie fericit: mancare, sex si liniste.
Asadar, dragele noastre, gatiti-ne cina, dezbracati-va si tineti-va gura!

October 17, 2014
7:54 am
shrinkescu
Guest
213sp_Permalink sp_Print

Three people making love is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

October 13, 2014
10:28 am
shrinkescu
Guest
212sp_Permalink sp_Print

Avantajul dementei mele e ca rad de fiecare data cand aud, fie si repetat, un banc bun, hahahaha...

CoolClaudiu

October 12, 2014
9:30 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 40
Member Since:
November 11, 2009
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
211sp_Permalink sp_Print

An Irish man in Scotland, asking a local man:

- Excuse me, could you tell me what's the shortest way to Dublin?

The man thinks for a second...

- Hmm... are you walking or are you driving?

- I'm driving.

- Good! That's the shortest way.

 

p.s. Sunt surprins ca nu il stiati pe teoretic-practic. Este clasic de pe vremuri - oldies, but goodies! Smile

October 12, 2014
8:56 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
210sp_Permalink sp_Print

Nu se poateeeeeeeeeeee! Practic...m-am sufocat de ras!

CoolClaudiu

October 12, 2014
8:41 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 40
Member Since:
November 11, 2009
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
209sp_Permalink sp_Print

Bulă are temă de la scoala: care este diferenta dintre teoretic si practic?
- Tati, care este diferenta dintre teoretic si practic?
- Păi fi atent: du-te prin casă si întreabă-i pe toti dacă "Pentru 1 milion de dolari te-ai culca o noapte cu Brad Pitt? Doar teoretic vorbind". Si apoi vino la mine.

Se duce Bulă la maica-sa:
- Mami, tu "Pentru 1 milion de dolari te-ai culca o noapte cu Brad Pitt? Doar teoretic vorbind."
- Vai, cum?! Eu, femeie măritată!! Totuși... Sunt bani mulți, as face-o doar pentru voi ca sa am bani sa va iau ce va doriti.
Se duce Bulă la sora-sa:
- Sora mea, tu "Pentru 1 milion de dolari te-ai culca o noapte cu Brad Pitt? Doar teoretic vorbind."
- Glumesti?? As face-o si pe gratis!
Se duce Bulă la fratele-su:
- Frate-miu, tu "Pentru 1 milion de dolari te-ai culca o noapte cu Brad Pitt? Doar teoretic vorbind."
- Cum, esti nebun?! Cu un bărbat?! Totuși... Doar o dată pt atâtia bani... Ok, doar o data.

Se întoarce Bulă la tatăl lui si îi spune ce raspunsuri a primit.
- Păi acum întelegi tu Bulă care este diferenta? Teoretic, avem 3 milioane de dolari. Practic, avem 2 curve si 1 poponar!

October 12, 2014
8:13 pm
Member
Forum Posts: 40
Member Since:
November 11, 2009
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
208sp_Permalink sp_Print

Întrebare la Radio Erevan:
- Care este cea mai plăcută despărţire?
- Despărţirea picioarelor...

October 12, 2014
7:27 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
207sp_Permalink sp_Print

Would You marry Again? - Priceless A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do.." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? " HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times." WIFE: "Would she use my clubs? HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence -- HUSBAND: "shit."

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