O blondă se duce la un hotel să îşi ia o cameră peste noapte. Recepţionerul îi spune că mai are doar un pat liber, dar cu trei bărbaţi în cameră. Fiind iarnă şi neavând unde să doarmă, aceasta acceptă.
În cameră, unul dintre cei trei îi propune un joc. Dacă răspunde corect la o ghicitoare ("ce e mică, are coadă, ronţăie alune şi trăieşte în pădure?") o vor lăsa să doarmă. Dacă nu.....
Dimineaţa, menajera intră în cameră şi vede că doi bărbaţi erau leşinaţi, iar al treilea era în genunchi şi se ruga de blondă:
- Spune veveriţă, te implor, spune VEVERIŢĂ!!!
Un tip intra in farmacie si cere un pachet de prezervative.
- Ce numar doriti?, intreaba farmacista.
- Nu stiu.
- Luati tabla asta cu gauri de diferite marimi si mergeti la toaleta sa vedeti.
Dupa minute bune, tipul revine.
- Ei, ce numar sa fie?, intreaba farmacista.
- Da-le dracu' de prezervative, cat face tabla?
Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has exactly 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only eighteen hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only eight hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please.... just one more time before I die?"
"Of course, dear," she says, and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns until he's down to four more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only four more hours. Do you think we could....?"
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning .... you don't."
© ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
© ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
© ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
© ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
© ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
© ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
© ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
© ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
© ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
© ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
© ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
© ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
© ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
© ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you attend?
© ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
© ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
Most Users Ever Online: 98
Currently Browsing this Page:
Guest Posters: 347
Administrators: admin: 73