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Logica masculina...
November 18, 2015
9:39 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
286sp_Permalink sp_Print

Pacientul: Credeţi cã operaţia asta e absolut necesarã ? O sã mã coste cam mult, se pare...
Chirurgul: Preferaţi cheltuielile de înmormântare ?...
Pacientul: Nu, nu, dar n-aş vrea sã le plãtesc pe amândouã !...

November 4, 2015
9:29 am
shrinkescu
Guest
285sp_Permalink sp_Print

Un ascultător: Ce poate face o femeie cu soţul ei care se uită tot timpul după fuste ?
Radio Erevan : Vă sugerăm să-l trimiteţi într-o vacanţă în ...Scoţia.

October 31, 2015
1:46 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
284sp_Permalink sp_Print

O blondă se duce la un hotel să îşi ia o cameră peste noapte. Recepţionerul îi spune că mai are doar un pat liber, dar cu trei bărbaţi în cameră. Fiind iarnă şi neavând unde să doarmă, aceasta acceptă.

În cameră, unul dintre cei trei îi propune un joc. Dacă răspunde corect la o ghicitoare ("ce e mică, are coadă, ronţăie alune şi trăieşte în pădure?") o vor lăsa să doarmă. Dacă nu.....

Dimineaţa, menajera intră în cameră şi vede că doi bărbaţi erau leşinaţi, iar al treilea era în genunchi şi se ruga de blondă:

- Spune veveriţă, te implor, spune VEVERIŢĂ!!!

October 22, 2015
2:05 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
283sp_Permalink sp_Print

Un tip intra in farmacie si cere un pachet de prezervative.
- Ce numar doriti?, intreaba farmacista.
- Nu stiu.
- Luati tabla asta cu gauri de diferite marimi si mergeti la toaleta sa vedeti.
Dupa minute bune, tipul revine.
- Ei, ce numar sa fie?, intreaba farmacista.
- Da-le dracu' de prezervative, cat face tabla?

October 21, 2015
2:11 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
282sp_Permalink sp_Print

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has exactly 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only eighteen hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only eight hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please.... just one more time before I die?"
"Of course, dear," she says, and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns until he's down to four more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only four more hours. Do you think we could....?"
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning .... you don't."

October 21, 2015
8:00 am
shrinkescu
Guest
281sp_Permalink sp_Print

Iarna. Siberia.
- de ce s-a oprit trenul?
- schimbam locomotiva.
- n-ati terminat de schimbat locomotiva?
- ba da.
- atunci de ce nu plecam?
- pai am schimbat-o pe vodca!

October 17, 2015
8:09 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
280sp_Permalink sp_Print

- Alcoolul ma ajută uneori sa uit de toate.
- De exemplu, aseară la nightclub, am uitat că-s însurat.

October 17, 2015
7:19 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
279sp_Permalink sp_Print

- Ce pereche frumoasă! Vă stă bine împreună! De cât timp sunteți căsătoriți?
- Eu de 5 ani, ea de 8.

October 15, 2015
10:15 am
shrinkescu
Guest
278sp_Permalink sp_Print

I. De cate feluri sunt femeile?
R. Femeile sant de trei feluri:
- cele cuminti - care se culca numai cu unul,
- curvele - care se culca cu toti si
- curva dracului, se culca cu toti, numai cu mine nu!

October 12, 2015
9:45 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
277sp_Permalink sp_Print

La usa unei pitipoance suna soneria
- Cine e? Intreaba aceasta gafaind.
- Proprietarul. Am venit dupa chirie.
- Veniti putin mai tarziu. Acum platesc lumina.

October 9, 2015
2:32 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
276sp_Permalink sp_Print

La un bairam, un tip se ofera sa-i mai toarne whisky in pahar unei gagici.
− Nu mai vreau, fiindca imi face rau la picioare!
− Va tremura?
− Nu, mi se desfac!

October 7, 2015
2:32 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
275sp_Permalink sp_Print

Domnule doctor, am o problemă cu steriletul. Aş vrea să-l schimbaţi.
-Dar, doamnă, tocmai vi l-am pus.
-Știu, dar soțul meu se plânge că îi rămâne un gust metalic în gură.
-Dar este din fir de aur, nu se poate! Poate soțul dumneavoastră are o problemă!
-Nu are, că s-au mai plâns și alții!

September 25, 2015
9:03 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
274sp_Permalink sp_Print

De ce fetele coboara privirea cind primesc o declaratie de dragoste?
Ca sa verifice daca e adevarat

September 24, 2015
3:53 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
273sp_Permalink sp_Print

Daca ti se pare ca intelegi o femeie, ai dreptate…, ti se pare.

September 23, 2015
6:41 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
272sp_Permalink sp_Print

Nevasta-mea m-a intrebat daca mi-ar placea fellatio si cunnilingus in seara asta.
"- La dracu' cu mancarea asta straina, vreau snitele si cartofi prajiti!", i-am raspuns.

September 11, 2015
9:18 am
shrinkescu
Guest
271sp_Permalink sp_Print

sms
"Draga mea soţie, te anunţ că m-au răpit extratereştrii! Au început să facă experimente ciudate pe mine. M-au zgâriat pe spate, mi-au rupt cămaşa, m-au murdărit cu ruj. Mi-au promis că mă eliberează peste doua-trei ore..."

September 9, 2015
11:22 am
shrinkescu
Guest
270sp_Permalink sp_Print

Balena mascul se invarte nervos in jurul balenei femela:
- Guvernele tuturor tarilor, sute de organizatii ecologiste, lideri politici
de marca, milioane de oameni - toti se lupta ca specia noastra sa
supravietuiasca, iar tu imi spui mie ca te doare capul!!!

September 8, 2015
2:29 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
269sp_Permalink sp_Print

© ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
© ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________
© ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________
© ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
© ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
____________________________________
© ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
© ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
________________________________________
© ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
______________________________________

© ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
_________________________________________
© ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?
_________________________________________
© ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_________________________________________
© ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
© ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
© ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
© ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_______________________________________
© ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

September 4, 2015
2:44 pm
shrinkescu
Guest
268sp_Permalink sp_Print

Săptămîna trecută am pierdut un bun prieten şi un partener de băute de toată isprava. Sărmanul nefericit şi-a prins degetul într-o verighetă.

August 29, 2015
8:41 am
shrinkescu
Guest
267sp_Permalink sp_Print

Doi prieteni stau de vorba.
- Omule, sunt socat, nevasta-mea vrea sa faca amor in trei!
- Si care e problema? Nu e asa rau, gandeste-te, senzatii noi, revigorati relatia, poate fi chiar ok...
- Pai eu nu sunt pe lista!!!

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